I’m not a fan of Doctors and Hospitals. I’m not a fan of medication.
I’m at the point where I am tired from all the bad news, being told that there is no cure to my illness and basically awaiting the unexpected heart failure that was meant to come so many times and thankfully it hasn’t.
Remaining strong mentally isn’t always easy and trying to live a “normal” life is at times a little challenging.
I’ve always had this little voice in my head telling me not to take any medications and keep my body as pure as possible. Every single time a Dr recommends a medication – I cringe. It sets something off inside me that yells “NO Ange!!! Don’t listen to them” I’m still trying to make sense of why.
In 2015 my heart pressures increased and my lungs didn’t do too well in a test I was given. I had gut issues… those bloody gut issues- everything I ate had me in immense pain. Things weren’t looking too good and the Doctors all wrote to each other recommending a heap of medications and operations.
I was in melt down. I was afraid. I needed space.
I asked myself… Have I done EVERYTHING in my power naturally to heal myself or to even eliminate some of the medical dramas I had going on?
Was I looking after myself? Was I loving myself and nurturing myself?
Was I enjoying my life and health while I had it?
Are you answering yes to any of the questions above?
My answers were No, No, No and No.
I knew dairy didn’t serve me, but I still ate it and drank it.
I knew coffee made my heart beat fast – but I drank it, a lot of it.
I also knew that I was tired and run down, but I continued the late nights and early mornings.
I ate poorly and was making myself anxious with toxic relationships and negative mind chatter.
I was a walking mess.
Then……. I made a plan.
The plan was to get so healthy and fit, it was to heal my gut to avoid the operation the Dr wanted to do. I was going to eat healthy and loose the extra weight I was carrying.
I was going to quit eating meat, dairy, gluten, nuts, fried foods, soft drink… and focus on eating clean and as close to raw as possible. Lots of fresh fruit and Veggies.
I was going to walk…. oh man was I going to walk.
I was going to drink water – the right amount.
I was going to drink herbal teas and meditate.
I was going to end relationships that were harmful to my mind and soul and stop waiting for them to treat me the way I felt I deserved.
I was going to respect my body.
I was going to get focused on walking into my next set of Dr appointments with a bounce in my step and a glow to my face.
I wanted to look at them square in the eye and show them that taking medication isn’t the only way.
I set the plan. And I did it.
I lost weight, the pain in the gut went away. Old clothes fit me again, I was glowing. The energy…. so much energy.
My heart stopped the racing. My anxiety episodes were down. I was having better sleep. No more brain fog and my memory was coming back.
I honestly felt like a new woman. I felt FANTASTIC!
I needed to share it with the ones I love. I wanted them to feel as good as I felt.
Then the eye rolling started. The judgement, the hurtful comments. Being convicted of having an eating disorder and people frustrated with me bringing my own food to parties.
I was different and no one liked it.
I soon learnt that not everyone was happy for me.
I was painted to be a bitch because I was sharing my journey and trying to sprinkle the glitter everywhere. I wanted to be honest and share my journey.
I was seen as a liar when I told people that garlic and onion make me sick.
People criticize what they don’t understand.
Some jumped on board and some left my boat completely and shut me out.
You really learn who your tribe is. Not everyone claps when you succeed.
Despite all the shit going on in my life, I walked into the Doctors appointments with a huge smile on my face waiting for the results from the updated tests to come through and them to be completely gob smacked with how amazing the results were from all the new changes.
I wanted to hear that my pressures were good and my lungs were doing so much better.
I craved to hear them say that I no longer needed the medication or the procedures.
But they didn’t. Each and everyone of them wiped that smile off my face.
I drove home and did what I always do after the “doom and gloom” at the Doctors – I play music to interrupt my thoughts, then I switch the music off and think. Then I cry.
There were tears of helplessness. Tears for the results not looking as great as I envisioned as I gave up foods that I loved and walked on that treadmill connected to my oxygen. Tears for the people that couldn’t be happy for me and tears of defeat.
I felt broken.
The whole plan of slapping my victory in the Doctors faces didn’t go according to plan and I gained most of the weight back that I had lost on my feel good journey.
I wiped each tear away with a packet of chips or a bar of chocolate. I surrendered to what I was told and didn’t keep going. I stopped swimming against the tide.
We fall back into habits and can be quick to forget the formula to feeling great.
We forget what makes us feel alive and the path to get there.
Yesterday I sat with the Doctor that told me nothing had changed from the last time we spoke.
We talked medications and operations. We talk doom and gloom.
I sat there blank and disconnected.
I was fatter, I felt tired and my chest was sore with my lungs hurting a little.
I wasn’t bouncing around and feeling positive. I had fallen into the story the doctors created for me.
I had listened to them telling me how I should be feeling and not listening to myself and how I was feeling.
When I saw the results of my health kick and felt invincible – I should have maintained that and not worried about the judgement, rejection and verdict from the doctors.
New Goal – Respect my mind, body and soul.
Back on track. Back to doing what works.
It took time to remember the map to get back there. But I know Ive been there before and I can get there again.
Which map to happiness and health did you once create and forget how to get back there?
I challenge you to be your best self. With or without the claps.
Sending you all love.
Until next time, Make it a Great Day!!!