Today I used the “no” word

I have a huge respect for any woman with a sick child… Being sick myself and having been a sick child, I can imagine what my parents endured thus far. I would rather be the one sick than the one with the child that is sick.

As a mother with a disability, I have a huge respect for women that are ill or a disability and have children. This is not easy, and even though there may be family support… Asking for the help at times feels as exhausting as doing it yourself. 

There are programs for women with disabled children… But not programs for disabled mothers with children. 

I haven’t found one in Australia. 

I called around some time ago, but I didn’t find such a thing. 

I’m run down, my tank is empty.

Some days (like today) my strength and my willpower run a little low, I struggle to breathe and my lungs give me pain… I get emotionally tired with a mixture of thoughts regarding my sons future in my absence and how my departure will actually take place… I work myself up into an anxious little mess. A junk food consuming maniac.

I say yes to a lot of things, yes to parties, yes to events that require a contribution, yes to work shifts I know I physically shouldn’t take on, yes to almost anything to keep peace and make others happy. Not everything I say yes to makes ME happy.

Today I said no. No to expectations, no to the part of me that is keen to shout yes at anytime. I told that part of me to shut the F up and sit down!

Today I rested. I said yes to saying no. I gave myself permission to lessen my load and I’m working on releasing the guilt I’m feeling for doing so. 

So today I say no to all the stuff that shouldn’t matter and yes to me and my health.

This is raw and me being vulnerable and laying all out there. 

We all have fears, we all have hardship. We all have that part inside us that wants love and connections, we all need to say no more to others and yes to ourselves. 

We are not alone on this lesson.

About oxygen4thejourney
This entry was posted in I give myself Permission, Medical, Ranting and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Today I used the “no” word

  1. Madam_W says:

    Excellent choice!

  2. Well done, Angela.

    We all need to look after ourselves and put ourselves first sometimes. There’s nothing wrong in saying “No” or “No thank you”, especially when it comes to looking after ourselves and our health.

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