Monday’s and Thursday’s are late finishes and mum picks my son up from school. I normally get to mums around 7pm to 8pm.
I arrived yesterday at 7pm and mum had dinner for me which I was so grateful.
I had dinner, enjoyed a slice of cake and a cup of tea with my brother, sisterinlaw, mum and dad.
Time flew! It was 8.30pm before I knew it and my son was still in his school uniform in need of a shower and bed.
I drove home and when I got in, my husband was a little frustrated with me that I had arrived so late which cut into his time that he could spend with my son.
I filled the sink to wash some Cups and juniors lunch box, I had to make his school lunch, I loaded the washing machine with a load that I would set after showers were done.
I took clothes off the line that I needed to iron.
I was so overwhelmed that it was 9pm and I still had so much to do… I was buggered. I wanted to go to bed.
I started speaking in a slightly louder tone than necessary to get my message across to my son who was doing everything opposite to what I was asking him to do. I basically lost my shit and with a few unpleasant exchange of words- I told my husband to climb a cactus and marched up stairs in a super fast pace.
(Enter the near death experience)
As you know, I’m on oxygen. To get upstairs I must pace it slowly and put my oxygen back on when I get upstairs.
By the time I got to the top of the stairs after my outburst and power walk, I couldn’t breath. I honestly couldn’t breathe. The heat from the day was trapped upstairs and I struggled to take a breath.
I lost feeling in my legs, I lost the ability to hear… Every sound was muffled like I was under water. My heart was pounding and the panic set in. I’ve had an episode like this before, but I prevent them by pacing things slower because these episodes have me begging for mercy and more time here on earth to any God that will listen.
My legs could barley hold me and I leant against the door frame, I managed to put my oxygen machine on and put the oxygen level higher. I couldn’t even speak to alarm my husband or son on what was happening because I couldn’t breathe. I was struggling to stand as my body weight got harder to hold upright.
I breathed through my nose and began praying to distract myself as tears of fear streamed from my eyes and my thoughts all scattered with the realisation that this could be it. I began seeing black and my head felt pain like a migraine.
My five year old held on tight to my leg waiting for me to put the shower on, he could see something was wrong but not sure what to do. He didn’t think to call my husband.
Finally the 5-8 minutes of terror were over, let me say…..They were the longest minutes of my life.
I began feeling blood flow back into my legs, then my ears, my eyes, I was back but my chest was really sore. I could t help but to cry. I sobbed like a kid…. Lastnight could have been my last night.
I put the shower on for the little one, I apologised to husband, apologised to my son who really tries but needs to improve his listening, I left the dishes sitting in the sink and the clothes not washed and called it a night.
A small reminder for me… For my OCD tendencies…. Life is too short to worry about the freaking dishes.
During my moments of terror, I promised myself I would slow it down a little more.