Sometimes we are put into a situation that force us to really think about our inner beliefs and what we consider right and wrong. Some situations are wrong in every sense of the word, but at the time that it is happening, nothing makes sense to be able to see through it all. We question our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs and our actions. Then we may even question whether the energy we are giving this situation or dilemma is worth the time we are giving it. I often ask myself, Will this matter in 2 years from now? Will this even matter 2 weeks from now? This often helps me decide the energy level I give.
Sometimes people don’t treat you with the same kindness or award you with the same time you allocate to them in your life. Sometimes they don’t value you the same as you value them. They don’t want to sit beside you on the journey even if you keep a seat for them. That’s OK, you cant force someone to give you the same love. They have their own lessons they need to learn and their own journey mapped out that may not fit with yours.
I know it may sound like a huge rambling mess, but I often try to understand someone else’s world before I make any decisions or judgement. Sometimes I draw a blank and feel confused about the how or why of a situation. Did they get dropped at birth? Do they have mad cow disease?
I struggle at times tolerating immature behavior from grown adults (some people are not people you can simply disassociate yourself from… they are there for the long run), but do so to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. I dismiss the questionable smirk or eye roll, I act blind to the exaggerated pitch in their voice and blunt responses to innocent questions asked.
Some people are more than happy to have a show down, I’m not comfortable with confrontation the way I use to be when I was younger. I prefer to treat people how I would like to be treated.
There comes a time though when enough is enough though, the “trying to keep the waters calm”, the smiling when you really want to say what your feeling. It hits a point where nothing else really matters with this person and you suddenly don’t blink an eye at loosing them at all, even if they are not going anywhere fast and you need to see them regardless of how you feel about them. The one sided friendship or relationship you tried so hard to keep going suddenly means shit. Its like something inside puts a sign up that reads CLOSED and you know at that moment the sign isnt coming down.
Today I give myself permission to shake things up a little and demand the respect that I deserve, today I give myself permission to vocalize the things I would normally let go in dear of loosing someone that has already been lost. Today I give myself permission to say NO MORE.
Each week I will give myself permission for something. I think sometimes we forget we have a voice and we forget life is too short.
Is there something you know in your heart that you should give yourself permission for?