Back on the Wagon…. Thanks Dr Gump!

Thursday afternoon turned out to be pretty scary, I am not over reacting…. I thought it was time to say good bye!

From severe cramping in my chest, left arm and jaw, to not being able to drink the amount of water my body was craving desperately and feeling weak and lifeless…. It was a disaster.

I called my regular specialist and sadly discovered he retired immediately after he received some bad news regarding his health.

I cried like a baby, I needed to go to the hospital but didn’t want to go.

My brother offered to drive me, I couldn’t take an ambulance as I was no where near the hospital that had decades of my history.

As soon as I got to the hospital I spoke with Triage and went straight through. I was put in a bed and immediately attended to…. hospitals clearly don’t take chest pains lightly which was comforting.

After tests and more tests, I was assigned a Doctor to give me an extensive health check…. I know this is going to sound slack but this guy was weird!

The tests he did on me made me wonder if I could be a Doctor tomorrow with a black brief case filled with bibs and bobs, then it started…. the questions…… I was being interrogated as though I was there for the free meal! (Which I DIDNT eat, hungry as I was…. I couldn’t do it)

Who the hell taste tests hospital food and gives it the tick of approval? That person should be made to eat it every day! I mean really, I think they make the food extra shit so you leave faster. Or possibly the quantity they make leave them no choice….moving along.

Dr Gump (Forest Gump may be smarter… but I don’t want to be too mean) began with the question of “Why are you here?”

I began describing the chest pains and the thirst, I was sooo thirsty and couldn’t drink as much as I felt I needed… He asked how many glasses of water I drank. I began thinking as hard as I could in the state I was in and told him I drank approx 1.5 litres and still felt so thirsty, plus I was pissing like a champion (as the ER Doc put it)

He then asked, how much I drank the day prior…. I mean, I don’t freaking know…. I realized I didn’t even remember what I had for dinner the night before. I thought hard and hard and replied two glasses.

He walked away like he was auditioning for a leading role in a movie. There was something theatrical about him, like Dwight in the Office.

He stared at me for a long time which was just uncomfortable – like he was having a blinking contest with me and he was trying to win…. I had to look away before I started laughing.

My brother was with me and even he couldn’t work out what the hell was going on.

Moments later Dr Gump came back and asked me about the freaking water again, like I was a criminal and he was trying to confuse my story. I answered the water question so many times, by the end of it, I gave up and said… I don’t freaking know. He made me doubt myself so much I wasn’t even sure my name was Angela by the end of it all.

I was given a drip, tubes full of blood were sent off to Pathology, Chest X-Ray was taken and I was waiting… and Dr Gump kept coming in with more strange questions and assessments.

Having my brother with me was nice, we had some fun moments and I tried to pull my shit together, I was still a broken mess from the scare and still confident I wasn’t going home.

The chest pains eased off as the night progressed and test results started coming through.

Dr Gump made me follow his finger all around the room, he knocked my legs and arms and scratched under my feet (WTF?! – I’m ticklish, so when I laughed and reacted to the scratches under my feet he got the shits! Like REALLY!) This test felt like it just wouldn’t end, Like being strapped to a tea cup ride at Disney Land and not allowed to get off…. What was the point of it?

The nurses made some jokes and my brother made time fly with his impersonations of Dr Gump and he got me some food from the cafeteria. I think my brother wants to be a Nurse now, I could see him doing a great job too. Actually, he wouldn’t, he cant handle the sight of blood.

The night dragged on and finally Dr Gump had the diagnosis….. “It was all psychological”

Way to go Doc! What a brilliant job you did…..

He then went back to the Freaking water question! Apparently my water amounts weren’t consistent… Ya think!  OMG!

After another hour of him pacing in and out, past the curtain and bopping his head up and down from the desk in front of me, he came back with some more info…..

Get ready for it…….I had an anxiety attack and was extremely dehydrated, hence the dry mouth and unbearable thirst and because I over compensated with the water, I was pissing like a champion.

I was so glad to go home at the end of all that, I had been interrogated like I stole the cookie from the cookie jar and Dr Gump was really getting on my nerves…. I was convinced with all the staring that I was going to look in the mirror when I got home and find food or something strange on my face….. Not sure what the go was.

So now, its less stress and trying to get more rest.

About oxygen4thejourney
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4 Responses to Back on the Wagon…. Thanks Dr Gump!

  1. Antonio says:

    Loved this it made me laugh.
    Hope your fine and I enjoyed being with you and experience of being by your side was great.
    Love you heaps

  2. Was Dr. Gump a fully qualified doc or an intern or resident, I wonder. Regardless, I’m sure his concern about the water consumption was genuine; overwhelming thirst and frequent urination are very common in undiagnosed Type II diabetes, so he probably had your blood tested (right?) and asked about the last time you ate with that possibility in mind. And he probably went back to that question time and again because the blood tests ruled out diabetes, so he had to consider other possibilities, and rule them out one by one. They ask you the same questions over and over because you never know when more information that turns out to be relevant will also come out. (The police are the same.) That said, the smart/experienced ones ask the same questions in a different way, to try to tease out the information, which makes me think Dr. Gump might’ve been new at the doctor game.

    I took my husband to the hospital with chest pains, once. That, too, was an anxiety attack. Have you worked out what you were so anxious about? Or was it the dehydration that triggered the anxiety? Either way, I’m glad it turned out to be nothing fatal. Steering clear of the hospital food probable helped you survive it, too. Man that stuff is awful.

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