I’ve let anger brew in myself lately. Frustration and anger, hurt and sadness.
Someone pass me a tissue.
I’ve been totally negative. I admit it. I’ve been able to see the bad in almost everything.
Exhausted! Cold from the winter and so damn tired.
And sooooo hungry! It’s as though I’m eating for 3!
Then I saw this quote.
Made me stop and think.
I wasn’t liking my message these days. My message lately has been full of complaining.
What the hell is wrong with me? What was making me so worked up that I couldn’t get into a happier state? Knowing everything I know- why am I stuck?
Answer. There is too much noise. Too many decisions. Too much to do. Too many decisions and too many deadlines.
Too much social media, too many things to read and know, too much information and conversations, too much of everything. Too much noise.
Then- there is fear. The fear of the unknown paralysing me into believing I’m stuck, I cant fix the situations in my life that are causing pain. The fear that the future brings. I was so busy worrying about things that haven’t even happened and probably never will.
Then there is hurt- past friendships. I was hanging onto memories. People with “no time” are posting constantly on social media and we have all forgotten what a phone call is. They are desperate for likes and forget who the real friends were and who the real people are.
What’s happening? Are we all loosing it trying to be famous on Facebook and instagram?
I realised I wasn’t forced to log into social media. I could end seeing this bullshit. I couldn’t control the wrongness of it, but I could refuse to be a part of it.
Then there is frustration that my to do list from 2015 looks identical to the one from 2012 and 2017. Years gone and still not ticking things off.
“I don’t have time” is a common line- but we have the exact amount of hours each day to people that are doing so much more. We have the same hours as Beyoncé! So let’s not blame time.
I release the guilt and the disappointment in myself for not staying on track. I forgive myself. Today is a new day.
Instead of being able to identify this sooner- I wasn’t “present” enough to see the emotional downward spiral coming- and man did it come. I hit empty. I hit flat.
Everything got too heavy.
I know what works when I’m overwhelmed. Journaling helps because it’s a big dump of thoughts and emotions without judgement.
I know that reducing social media and limit speaking to a mixture of people is another great strategy to assist with minimising the amount of information coming it. Avoid negative people and other people’s dramas.
I also know that sitting with a cup of herbal tea, alone, completely alone with reflective music playing in my headphones is another winning strategy to give myself the time I need to reconnect with myself.
A bath is another great exercise to make you sit alone with your thoughts.
A comedy! Laughing hard makes the world a better place.
Did I do what worked? ….Not at all.
I kept moving and rushing against the clock on empty and before I knew it, I couldn’t even stand the sound of my own voice. Everything was too HARD!
I was DONE.
I began imagining picking up my purse and driving to a place where’s there’s the sound of the ocean in the background, an occasional bird passing, nothing but silence.
I daydreamed- I could wear the same clothes each day so I wouldn’t have any clutter or clothing decisions to make – I’ll wash the clothes before I go to sleep I thought and put them back on in th morning. I would own nothing- just the clothes I wore.
I could help a local farmer in exchange for some food and life would be amazing.
I would read and rest and lay under the stars and enjoy nature. (This place has no spiders or insects)
Ok- so back to reality. I can’t run from my life. I mean I could, but I don’t want to.
I just need it to be simpler. I need it to slow down so I can cope with one thing at a time.
I realised I was asking for life to be easier instead of asking for the strength to be stronger to get through it. I was looking for the easy road.
I need to let go of the hurt and the sadness and forgive. I need to smile at the memories and accept that things change.
There are plenty of selfish people in our world- but they are mostly likely doing their best.
When someone tries to dump a job on me to ease their load-
I need to say NO.
If saying yes meant saying no to myself- then the answer is NO.
I need to love me first.
Nothing more on my plate. The focus is getting stuff off. I’m aiming for a slower pace.
First step. Delete social media for a while.
Done- tick off the list.
Step two- sit my ass down, alone, and make a plan. Ask myself some questions.
“What do I want?” “How do I want my life to look?” “Am I really stuck? Or have I become a prisoner in my own story?”
Done. Tick. (I honestly recommend this to everyone)
Step three- get paper and a pen. Write a list. A plan. A goal. Things that I want. Then start thinking about how i can make the huge goal into smaller bite size pieces that I can chip away at each day.
Schedule the bite size pieces into my daily schedule.
Half Done. (Still working on this)
Step 4- stop looking at the clutter in the corner and feeling gross. Make a start on clearing the areas in the house that are causing me grief.
Minimise the things I own. Donate what I don’t need.
Done. I’ve started this and have more to go. Starting have me motivation to keep going.
This quote helped heaps-
” it’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future…. all there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we cant relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one” George Harrison.
Slow it down.
Detach from things or people that aren’t bringing out the best version of yourself.
Every day is a new beginning. Every day is a clean slate.
Until next time- go and make it a great day!
I’m going to add this post to #forgivingfriday